
LARRY 




DICK & FITZGERALP, Publishers, 
NEW YORK. 





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ROMANCE OF PHYLLIS. 3 Acts; 1J4 hours 4 

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OUTWITTED. 1 Act; 20 minutes 3 

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CASE OF HERR BAR ROOMSKI. Mock Trial; 2 hours.... 28 

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DICK & FITZGERALD, Publishers, 18 Ann Street, N Y 




LARRY 



AtmttQeh tat ily* Am*roan Binge 



By HAROLD SANDER 



Copyright 1915 by Dick & Fitzgerald 



V 



NEW YORK 
DICK & FITZGERALD 

18 Ann Street 



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<r 



\ 



,^ V 3 



AUG 3 19)5 ©CLD 41402 



LARRY 



CHARACTERS. 

Mrs. Beach Landlady of the Royal Links Hotel, 

BunTcer-on-Sea 

Larry O'Reilly The head waiter. A drop of Old Irish 

Norah His daughter 

Dr. Fred Vincent Her lover 

Miss Eliza P. Tosh From U. 8. A. 

Captain Sparker A motor fiend 

Hon. Gough-Green A golfing crank 

Miss Penelope Pankie In search of a husband 

Time. — The present. Locality. — Bunker-on-Sea. 

Time of Playing. — About forty-five minutes. 

COSTUMES AND CHARACTERISTICS 

Larry. Age about 40. A head-waiter of a seaside hotel, is a 
typical rollicking son of Erin, quick at a retort, ever ready with 
his wit, and quick in action. He wears an evening dress-suit, 
somewhat the worse for wear, with a white shirt also some- 
what mussed, but nevertheless there is an air of neatness and 
smartness about him which shows he desires to appear well. 

Mrs. Beach. Age about 35. The bustling landlady must be 
costumed neatly but smartly and must appear to be much above 
the landlady of an ordinary seaside hotel. 

Norah. Age about 18. Sweet and pretty ; she is gowned in 
any available seaside costume. 
3 



4 Larry. 

Dr. Vincent. Age 26. Wears an outing suit appropriate to 
the part. 

Capt. Sparker. A " Motor Maniac," wears a heavy motor 
coat and goggles, somewhat exaggerated. Is very breezy. 

Hon. Gough-Green. A " Golf Fiend," wears Norfolk jacket, 
knickerbockers and woolen stockings, all of a pronounced pat- 
tern, and heavy shoes. In manner very excited. 

Eliza Tosh. Suitable costume, as may be available. 

Penelope Pankie. Suitable costume, as may be available. 
Armed with a golf club, as she continuously races after Gough- 
Green. 

NOTE. The costumes are suggestions only and may be varied 
to suit requirements. 

INCIDENTAL PROPERTIES 

Hotel register, bell, magazines, etc., on table. Coin, golf 
sticks and golf ball for Gough-Green. Golf stick for Miss 
Pankie. Suit-case and handkerchief for Norah. Coin for 
Eliza Tosh and Capt. Sparker. Broken glass off stage. 

STAGE DIRECTIONS. 

As seen by a performer on the stage facing the audience, R., 
means right hand; l., left hand. 



LARRY 



SCENE : — Public room of the Royal Links Hotel. Doors r. and 
l. Table l. Chairs, etc. DISCOVERED Mrs. Beach 
consulting visitors' book on table l. 

Mrs. Beach. Well, well, we never had such a busy season! 
I scarcely know whether I'm on my head or my heels. If it 
wasn't for Larry I don't know what I'd do; he's a treasure. 
He manages the whole hotel — myself included. Ah, here he 
comes. 

ENTER Larry r. 

Larry. Misthress, charge up three soda-wathers to No. 17 — 
the cranky ould gintleman wid the red nose. It's mesilf sus- 
picts he's been turnin' up his little finger too often last noight. 
Shure, there's nothin' like a sup o' the crathur, but ye've always 
got to pay for it the next mornin', bedad. 

Mrs. Beach. Three sodas — I won't forget. Larry, if any 
more visitors come by the next train, remember, we've only 
two more rooms to let. 

Larry (rubbing his hands). Troth, an' that's good business. 
Well, now, misthress, I know ye're busy ; away wid ye and I'll 
shtop here in charge. 

Mrs. Beach. All right, Larry, I will. [EXIT Mrs. Beach r. 

Larry. Och, but she's the foine woman, Misthress Beach ! 
A stiddy, sinsible, level-headed crathur; and, sure, this hotel's 
a fair gold-moine ! If 'twas mesilf, now, was landlord av it, 
instead av head waiter, me bread would be baked for loif e ! 
Well, I belave she has the soft side for me ; an' " Ye never know 
yer luck," as me ould dad used to say. An', sure, here's the 
first wan off the train ! 

5 



6 Larry. 

ENTER Noeah, e. 

Noeah (staring at Laeey in surprise). Father! 

Larky. Thundher an' turf, if it's not Norah! (Kisses her) 
But what are ye doin' here, acushla? 

Noeah. I've come down for a few days by the sea. But I 
thought you were still in Dublin. 

Larry. No. I'm head waiter here for the summer season. 
I never found toime to write to tell yez, darlint. But, murther 
aloive, Norah, this'U niver do at all, at all! If ye're goin' to 
shtop here, ye'll have to kape it dark that I'm your father. 

Norah. What! Not acknowledge my dear old dad? 

Larry. Och, well, ye see, Norah, if the misthress knew I had 
a foine, swell daughter loike you, she'd be afther rejucin' me 
wages ! That'd be a moighty poor return for me havin' sent ye 
to a grand school and makin' a taicher av ye in London, sure ! 
Be jabers, I belave I'd be gettin' the sack, roight off ! 

Norah (reluctantly). Very well, father. 

Larry (aside). Yes, by the powers, if Misthress Beach sus- 
picted she was to be mother of a foine, handsome colleen loike 
Norah here, it moight spoil me chances. (Aloud) No, me 
jewel, just hould yer whist, and we're all right! Shure, now, 
ye're just in toime to get wan av the last two rooms, so I'll put 
ye down for No. 26 before it's snapped up. " A bird in the 
hand's worth all the eggs in th' basket," as me ould dad used 
to say. Well, Norah, machree, an' how's yer swateheart kapin'? 

Norah (downcast). I don't know. We've quarrelled, and 
it's broken off ! 

Larry. Ye've quarrelled? That's a pity, now; but, faith, 
it's aisy made up again. (Norah shakes her head) What's his 
name, Norah? Ye never tould me whin ye wrote. 

Norah. Dr. Fred Vincent. 

Larry. Dr. Fred Vincent! (Aside) Thundher an' turf, if 
that's not the young docthor in No. 25! An' it's mesilf has 
been wondherin' what he was in the blues about. Sure, now, 
that bates cock-f oightin' ! But I'll never let on that he's 
shtoppin' here. (Aloud) Well, Norah, darlint, I'll attind to 
yer luggage. Run away wid ye, an' take a walk round the 
garden beyant — (Pointing to l.) before dinner's sarved, an' get 
up an appetoite! Off wid ye! 

Norah. Very well, father, I will. [EXIT Norah, l. 

Larry. Well, that fairly bangs Banagher ! Norah and her 
swateheart's fell out — both of thim's here — an' nayther wan or 
the other knows it ! But, be jabers, I'll set the thing to rights, 



Larry. 7 

or my name's not Larry O'Reilly ! An', sure, here's the other 
young fool comin' ! 

ENTER Dr. Peed Vincent, r., very dejected. 

Larry. Well, docthor, an' how's all wid ye to-day? 

Fred. Just so-so, Larry. I'm not feeling up to the mark at 
all! 

Larry. Och, now, an' that's a pity; but ye must thry and 
kape up your spirits, man ! " It's a poor heart that never re- 
joices," as me ould dad used to say. And, by the way, docthor, 
there's a foine young leddy just arrived that's feelin' a bit out 
av sorts hersilf. She's out in the garden yonder. Sure, now, 
ye moight have a look at her, and give me yer professional 
opinion. Troth, it's not every day we have a resident medical 
officer on the premises. Ha ! ha ! 

Fred. Very well, Larry. (Sighs) Anything to kill time. 
I'll make a diagnosis. In the garden? 

Larry. Yes, docthor, out that way. (Pushing him off l.) 
Have a good look at her, sorr! Ta, ta! (Aside) An' good 
luck to yez both ! 

ENTER Eliza P. Tosh, r. 

Tosh (strong nasal accent). Say, waiter! Kin I have a 
room in this ho-tel? 

Larry. To be sure, mum, an' welkim ! We're tarrible busy, 
but ye'll get the last av the bunch — Number Twenty-noine — ■ 
and, by the powers, it's a good wan! Lovely say-view, if ye 
just pop yer head out av the windy and look round the corner. 
An' afther all, only tin shillin's a noight for bed an' breakfast ! 

Tosh. Two dollars 'n a half! That's vurry dear for a one- 
horse ho-tel like this ! 

Larry. Wan horse ! Hare an' Houns, mum, it's yersilf that's 
mistaken there; let me tell ye we've half a score av horses! 
(Aside) For dhryin' the clothes on. (Aloud) Howaniver, 
mum, this is the only hotel in the place ; and, bedad, if ye're not 
plazed 

Tosh. Oh, vurry well! Guess I'll stay. You'll send to the 
depot for my baggage, right now? 

Larry. Didn't ye bring it wid ye, mum? 

Tosh. Sakes alive, I guess not! I've got six suit-cases, 
three innovations, and two grip-sacks ! 

Larry. Arrah, now, d'ye tell me that? Ye'll be goin' £q 
^shtop here for a month, mum? 



8 Larry. 

Tosh. I should smile! I've only got twenty-four hours to 
spend in this little township! I'm doing the grand toor of 
Yurrup, and I've seen Paris, London, and Edinburgh in the 
last four days! 

Lakry. Piper o' Moses! It's travellin' in wan o' thim new- 
fangled airyplanes ye've been, mum! Ye don't belong to the 
ould counthry, I'm thinkin'? 

Tosh. Land-sakes, no! Thank goodness, I don't belong to 
this effete old island! I'm an Amurrican, born and bred, a 
citizen of the greatest Ree-public in the Uni-vurrse! Why, in 
our country we could lose Ireland — where you come from — a 
dozen times over, and only find it by the smell of the whisky ! 

Larry. Troth, now, I believe I've heard that same before! 
An' there's a few av your countrymen moighty keen in the 
scint — where whisky's in the question! Will ye be plazed to 
wroite yer name down in the visitors' book, mum? (Tosh 
writes) Och, yes, it's the wondherful counthry, Americky! 
There's a powerful lot av folks we've no use for here goes out 
there an' makes big fortunes, bedad ! 

Tosh. Well, guess I'll go to my room, right now! Where 
can I find an elevator? 

Larry. A — A — beg pardon, mum? 

Tosh. An elevator. 

Larry. Och, yes, av coorse, it's the bar ye'll be afther! 
But I wouldn't advise ye, mum, before dinner's sarvedj I 
never taste mesilf betwane meals. 

Tosh. No, no ; I mean the lift ! 

Larry. Oh, I see, I see! Arrah, now, all the lift we have 
here, mum, is just Shanks' pony. You understand me, mum, 
we go upstairs on our feet ! 

Tosh. H'mph ! That's the worst of this worn-out old king- 
dom. In Amurrica, my country (Goes r.) 

Larry (reading visitors' look). "Eliza P. Tosh, Pawtucket, 
U. S. A." Thundher an' turf! I say, mum, how's the ould 
man ? 

Tosh. What? 

Larry. How's yer father kapin'? For, by the same token, 
you must be wan o' thim Toshes that wint out to Pawtucket in 
eighty-noine ! It's mesilf that knew yer ould dad better than 
his own mother — cross-eyed Micky Tosh, the Ballyshan bill- 
sticker ! 

Tosh {confused). Oh, land-sakes! Here, I say, waiter — I — 
there's some one coming. Jest keep your mouth shut on that 
bit o' history, and here's half a crown for you ! 






Larry. 9 

Larry (pocketing tip). Right ye are, mum. I'll be deaf an' 
dumb as the Sphinx of Agypt ! Don't be forgettin' yer number, 
now — Twinty-noine ! [EXIT Tosh, r. 

ENTER Dr. Fred, l. 

Fred. Waiter, I don't see any young lady in the garden. 
Larry. Don't ye, now, docthor dear? Sure, I'll come wid ye, 
an' we'll soon foind her. [EXIT, l., with Fred. 

ENTER Captain Sparker, r. 

Sparker. Waitah! Waitah! Bay Jove, no one heah! 
(Rings hell on table) 

ENTER Mrs. Beach, r. 

Sparker. Ah, how-de-dah? I want to put up heah. Just 
come down in my mowtah — fifty miles an howah ! Bay Jove, 
ya-as! Killed three hens and frightened two constables to 
death — haw-haw ! My mowtah's a forty horse-power Daimlah. 
She's a rippah, bay Jove, ya-as! I say, can I put up heah? 

Mrs. Beach. Oh, yes, sir. I can let you have a very nice 
room — Number Twenty-nine. This way, sir, upstairs and to 
your right. (Going r.) 

Sparker. Very good ! I'll tell my chauffah to carry up my 
luggage. You should see my mowtah — she's a rippah ! By 
Jove, ya-as ! [EXIT, r. 

ENTER Norah, l. 

Norah (agitated). Well, I never! If that isn't Fred out 
there in the garden! Fred, of all people! How did he know 
I was here? He must have followed me — the wretch! How 
dare he come here at all? But I will never forgive him for 
flirting with that other girl. 

ENTER Larry, l. 

Larry. Bedad, an' ye're here, are ye, Norah? 

Norah. Yes, I'm here ! Father, do you know who that was 
with you in the garden? Dr. Vincent. 

Larry. Dr. Vincent it was, me jewel! Saints aloive, ye 
don't mane to tell me he's your Docthor Vincent — your swate- 
heart? Arrah, now, how was I to know that? He's been 



10 Larry. 

stoppin' here for the last wake, in Number Twenty-foive. Poor 
young fella, I'm tarrible sorry for him ; for it's moighty bad he 
is, I'm thinkin' ! 

Norah (anxiously) . You don't mean to say he's ill, father? 

Larky (shaking head). Och, yes, the poor young gintle- 
man's dyin' on his feet. He moight go off any day! 

Norah (suspiciously). Nonsense! He's as strong as a 
horse. And if he is ill he deserves to be! (Disappointedly) 
He didn't follow me here, after all. But now, perhaps, he will 
think I have followed him. He mustn't see me. I shall leave 
Bunker-on-Sea at once. 

Larry. Sure, now, Norah, don't bother yer pretty head about 
him. It 'ud be a pity to have yer holiday spoiled for a de- 
saivin', worthless young rapscallion like him. 

Norah (indignantly). He's not! Fred's not a — a — what 
you said ! But you are right ; I shan't allow him to drive me 
away. I'll simply freeze him if he attempts to speak to me! 
(Sits at table, taking up magazine) 

ENTER the Hon. Gough-Green, golf clubs slung on back, club 
in hand, followed by Penelope Pankie. 

Pankie. I say, dear Mr. Gough-Green 

Gough-Green. Run away, and don't bother me ! 

Pankie. But, dear Mr. Gough-Green, I want to tell you 

Gough-Green (irascibly). And I don't want to hear you! 
Say, waiter, I've made a record this morning — went round the 
course in seventy-five ! It's a fact — absolutely ! 

Larry. Did ye, now? Man alive, I wouldn't have belaved it 
was in ye ! 

Pankie. But, dear Mr. Gough-Green 

Gough-Green (waving her aside). I tell you it's the case — 
absolutely ! Did the fifth hole in three, the seventh in five, 
though I was bunkered twice, and that fearful ninth hole 

Pankie. The ninth hole! Oh, dear Mr. Gough-Green 

Gough-Green. Don't interrupt me, madam ! Waiter, the 
ninth hole in four — absolutely ! 

Larry (aside, crossing r.). It's a wondherful liar ye are — 
absolutely. [EXIT, r. 

Gough-Green. Had a fearful bad stymie at the eighteenth — 
fearful, absolutely! (Puts ball on floor) My ball was here, 
the other ball there, but I played — so! (Drives ball through 
door, r. Crash, off) 

Pankie (screams). Oh! Dear Mr. Gough-Green! 






Larry. 1 1 

Gough-Gkeen (gasps). I've done it now — absolutely! 
ENTER Larry, r. 

Larry (sternly). Sure, an' ye have done it, right through! 
I've told you before not to play golf in this room! It's a 
Gough-Green ye may be yersilf, but this isn't wan! And now, 
bedad, if ye haven't gone an' smashed a valliable ornamint av 
Venaitian glass — all the way from Venaishy. Thundher an' 
turf, what will Misthress Beach say? 

Gough-Green. Say, waiter, I'm sorry — absolutely! Here's 
five shillings for yourself to keep dark about it. An accident— 
absolutely ! I'll go and practise putting on the lawn ! 

[EXIT, l., putting imaginary halls with club. 

Pankie (folloiving him). Do you know, dear Mr. Gough- 
Green [EXIT l. 

Larry (looking after them). Arrah, now, chase him up, me 
woman; ye'll maybe catch him yet! (Looking at tip) Five 
shillin's ! Well, sure, " It's not lost what a friend gets," as me 
ould dad used to say! An', bedad, it was just an ould lamp- 
globe I dropped at the right moment — absolutely ! 

Noise, R. ENTER Capt. Sparker and, Miss Tosh, arguing 
volubly. 

Tosh. I say you're an impurrtinent fellow — an impurrtinent 
fellow, and I reckon you'd better skiddoo out of this hotel, 
right naow ! 

Sparker. I say, you are coming it strong — rathaw ! My 
name is Captain Sparker, and I came down heah in my mow- 
tah! 

Tosh. I reckon it don't matter to me if you're Teddy 
Roosevelt, or if you arrived here in Halley's Comet! Number 
Twenty-nine was let to me by the boss waiter, and you've got 
no call to dump your traps in my apartment. 

Sparker. But, my deah lady, that room was let to me. Ton 
my honah ! 

Larry. Whist ye now, whist! What's all this botheration 
about? 

Tosh. Waiter, I hired Number Twenty-nine from you, and 
this man had the impurrtinence to come right into my room 
when I was doing up my back hair. 

Larry (to Sparker). Murther alive, man, ye moight be 



12 Larry. 

thinkin' shame av yersilf ! I'm surprised at ye! Have ye no 
sense of modesty at all, at all? 

Sparkee. But, look heah, waitah, when I arrived in my 
mowtah, the landlady let the room to me. Bay Jove, ya-as ! 

Larry. Well, sure, here's the misthress hersilf ! 

ENTER Mrs. Beach, r. 

Sparker. Aw, I say, my good lady, didn't ye let me Number 
Twenty-nine? 

Mrs. Beach. I did, sir, not ten minutes since. 

Larry. Thin, faith, misthress, ye were foive minutes too 
late; for it's mesilf had already given to Miss Tosh here, the 
daughter av — (Catches Tosh's eye) — och, yes — this leddy from 
the United States av Americky ! 

Mrs. Beach. Oh, dear, dear, whatever's to be done? 

Larry. You leave that to me, misthress. I'll make it 
square wid the Captain here. 

Mrs. Beach (relieved). That's all right, then. Miss, come 
away ! Ah, Larry is a treasure ! 

[EXIT Tosh and Mrs. Beach, r, 

Sparker. But, look heah, waitah 

Larry. Arrah, now, be aisy, Gineral, be aisy! That room's 
let; but it's mesilf can provide ye wid the very pick o' beds — 
in the bathroom. Plinty av fresh air, an' mortial convanient 
if ye should feel dhry through the noight. Ye've only to put up 
yer hand and screw on the tap, as nate as ye loike! Or, be- 
dad, ye can slape on the billiard-table at noinepince an hour. 

Sparker. Really! You are very accommodating, waitah! 
Think I'd rathaw move on furthah in my mowtah. By the 
way, have you seen my mowtah? She's a rippah! 

Larry. D'ye tell me that, now? Maybe she is; but, faith, 
I'd rather have a gig an' a wee pony, sorr ! 

Sparker (sees Norah). Bay Jove, I say, waitah, what a 
pretty girl ! She's a clippah ! Is she stopping heah? 

Larry. Troth, an' she is. 

Sparker. Then I won't go! You can put me down for the 
bathroom — rathaw! (Twirls moustache and crosses to Norah) 
Morning, Miss. Beautiful weathaw for the time of yeah. 
Bay Jove, ya-as ! 

Norah (coldly). Do you think so? 

Sparker. I say, would you care for a run in my mowtah? 
She's a rippah ! 

Norah. Thanks, I won't trouble you ! 



Larry. 13 

Sparker. Oh, no trouble, I assure you ! I'll go and tell my 
chauffah. {Going off, r.) I say, chauffah! [EXIT r. 

Larry. Bedad, it's toime the young docthor was looking 
afther his swateheart ! 

Norah (rises). The bounder ! I'm off ! [EXIT, hurriedly, l. 

Larry. Sowld again, Goggles, me bhoy, or me name's not 
Larry. 

Sparker (returns). Now, Miss, my mowtah Bay Jove, 

she's not heah ! I say, waitah, where has the young lady gone? 

Larry. The young leddy, sorr? D'ye mane the wan ye were 
thryin' to put the blarney on? 

Sparker. Ya-as; where is she? I want to take her for a 
run in my mowtah ! 

Larry. I see, sorr, I see ! Ye want to do the agreeable, now, 
sorr? Well, you just leave that to me, Gineral; I'll make it all 
right — for a consideration, sorr! 

Sparker. Aw, I understand, bay Jove, ya-as! Well, here's 
half a sov. for you. You'll find her and tell her? 

Larry. Depind upon me, Gineral; I'll tell her, sure enough. 
(Biting half sovereign and pocketing it) But man aloive, here 
she is, in the very nick av toime! 

ENTER Miss Tosh, r. 

Larry. Miss Tosh, mum, the Gineral here is tarrible sorry 
he huffed ye ; an' to make up for it, he's goin' to take ye for a 
run in his motor — the foinest car that iver 

Sparker (pulling Larry's sleeve). No, no, you old idiot, I 
don't mean her ! 

Larry. Howld yer whisht, Major, howld yer whisht! I'll 
see ye through ! Sure, Miss, the Colonel's terrible shy, so he's 
axed me to spake up for him ! (Sparker squirms) An' he'd be 
as plazed as Punch 

Tosh. If I'd go for a ride in his auto-mobile? Surrtainly ! 
I accept with pleasure! (Crossing to Sparker, holding out 
hand) You're a bit of real stuff, after all! Shake! 

Sparker (confused, shaking hands limply). But, look heah, 
I didn't mean 

Tosh. Oh, never mind apologies, Captain. I guess life's too 
short. Come along. You may take my arm! We've auto- 
mobiles in my country 

[EXIT Tosh, talking, Sparker shaking fist at Larry 

Larry (chuckling). Arrah, now, Lieutenant, off ye go in 
your forty horse-power hen-killer. But ye'll not spoil the 
docthor's chances Wid Norah. 



14 Larry. 

ENTER Norah, l. 

Norah. Upon my word, I don't know where to go. Fred in 
the garden, and that dreadful motor man here. Ah, he's gone ! 
Father, I came down here for peace and quiet, but if I have 
to endure this sort of thing I won't stay another hour. 

Larky. Aisy now, Norah, darlint. Him wid the goggles '11 
not throuble ye for a while, anyhow! (Norah sits at table 
with magazine) Thundher an' turf, here's that lunatic golfer 
comin' back. I'll away an' swape up the broken lamp-globe 
before he gets his eye on it ! [EXIT, r. 

ENTER Hon. Gough-Green, hurriedly, l. 

Gough-Green. Confound that Pankie woman! She tracks 
me like a sleuth-hound! I'm safe nowhere, nowhere — abso- 
lutely! (Sees Norah) I say, who's this? She's a daisy — 
absolutely! (Crosses to Norah) Ahem! (Coughs) Ahem! 
(Louder. Norah looks up) You play golf, of course, Miss? 
.Won't you come and play a round with me? 

Norah (coldly). I never play golf — with strangers! 

Gough-Green. Ah, that's too bad, too bad — absolutely! 
Well, won't you come and watch me play? I'm a record-breaker 
- — absolutely ! Did the course in — dash it, here's Pankie again ! 
I'm off— absolutely ! [EXIT, hastily, r. 

ENTER Miss Pankie, running, l. 

Pankie. Dear Mr. Gough-Green! Where is he? I'm sure 
I saw him here! 

ENTER Larry, r. 

Pankie. Waiter, have you seen dear Mr. Gough-Green? 

Larry. Sure, now, an' I did see him. 

Pankie. Then where is he? I want him particularly. 
Waiter, I'll give you half a crown to tell me! 

Larry. Troth, Miss, an' it's yersilf desarves to nab him for 
nothing; but, bedad, I'll be afther takin' the half-crown! Out 
this way, Miss ; it's off to the links he is. [EXIT both, r. 

Norah. Oh, these apologies for men ! There's none of them 
like my Fred, after all ! 

ENTER Dr. Fred, disconsolately, l. 






Larry. 15 

Feed. Wonder who she was? I saw a girl slipping through 
the bushes awfully like my Norah. But it couldn't be. (Sighs) 
Oh, Norah, Norah, I'd give the world to see you again ! 

Norah ( sighs ) . Poor fellow ! 

Fred (turns). What! Norah? 

Norah (rises). Fred! (Sits again) No, don't come near 
me! I hate you! (Handkerchief to eyes) You're a cruel, 
heartless flirt! 

Feed. Norah, darling, don't say that! If you'd only let me 
explain. The girl you saw me with was my cousin, and she's 
married. 

Norah. Married! Then it doesn't matter! Oh, Fred, can 
you forgive me? 

Fred. My angel. (They embrace) 

Norah. Fred, don't! Some one will see us! Follow me to 
the garden. 

Fred. To the end of the world, my cherub ! 

[EXEUNT, lovingly, l. 

ENTER Mes. Beach, b. 

Mes. Beach. Larry! Larry! Dear, dear, there's never 
five minutes in the day but I'm needing his advice ! 

ENTER Laeey, e. 

Laeey. Did I hear yer swate voice cryin' on me, misthress? 

Mes. Beach. Yes, Larry. I'm in another pickle! The old 
dowager in Number Nineteen wants champagne and oysters for 
lunch — says she can't exist another day without them — and 
there's not such a thing to be got in Bunker-on- Sea. 

Laeey. Well, misthress, just you take her up ginger beer 
and mussels, an' tell her they're just as good, an' bedad, a 
moighty dale chaper! 

Mes. Beach (warmly). Larry, you're a perfect wonder! I 
don't know what I'd do without you! 

Laeey (aside). Troth, an' that's a foine opening for me! 
Bedad, I'll just " Take the bull by the horns," as me ould dad 
used to say — an' pop the question right off! (Aloud) Mis- 
thress, there's divil a bit av necessity for ye to do widout me at 
all! I'm yours for loife, if ye loike! Sure, I know ye're as 
good as ye're beautiful. It's mesilf that worships the very 
ground ye trid on; an' if ye'll only say the word I'll make ye 
Misthress Larry O'Reilly before the month's out! 



16 Larry. 

Mrs. Beach (coyly). Oh, Larry, this is too sudden! Buti 
if you really love me 

Larry. I do that, sure, wid a heart an' a half! Come, 
darlint, give me a kiss, an' we'll call the thing settled. (They 
embrace) 

ENTER Dr. Fred and Norah, l., arm-in-arm. 

Norah (surprised). Father! 

Mrs. Beach and Fred. Father? 

Larry. Faith, " It's a wise choild that knows it's own father," 
— as me ould dad used to say! Well, sure, the cat's out av 
the bag now! (To Mrs. Beach) Yes, me jewel, Norah is me 
own daughter, and I'm sure she's wan to be proud av ! Norah, 
machree, let me present ye to Misthress O'Reilly the second. 
An', by the same token, I see you and the young docthor have 
made it up bet wane ye, too. I'm quite agreeable, so, bedad, 
we're all happy ! Bless ye, me childhren, bless ye ! 

ENTER Hon. Gough-Green, hurriedly, r., pursued ly Miss 
Pankie, and off, l. 

Pankie. Dear Mr. Gough-Green [EXEUNT, l. 

Larry. Tin to wan on Pankie for the Matrimonial Stakes! 
But what's this next? (Noise off l.) 

ENTER Capt. Sparker, supporting Miss Tosh, loth muddy and 
dishevelled. 

Sparker and Tosh (groaning). Oh, oh, oh! 

Larry. Saints presarve us! What's wrong now? 

Sparker. Oh ! oh ! Had a beastly smash in my mowtah! 

Larry. Well, it's mesilf tould ye, ye'd be betther off wid 
a gig and a wee pony, sorr. 

Sparker. The sparking-plug got involved with the differ- 
ential gearing, and tore the sprockets off the accumulatah ! A 
large cow was rapidly approaching; I saw it must eithaw be 
the ditch or the cow, so with great presence of mind I 
charged the cow ! 

Tosh (clinging to him). Yes, it was noble of you, my gallant 
life presurrver ! 

Larry (aside). Bedad, I'm thinkin' it was the cow, an' not 
the calf, that saved yer loife ! 

Sparker. It was fearfully exciting — rathaw ! But the lady 



Larry. 17 

heah was jolly plucky — made no screaming nor fuss! (To 
Tosh) I say, you're just the sort of wife for a spawtsman! 
Bay Jove, ye-as, I should like to take you for a long trip in 
the matrimonial mowtah. 'Pon my honah — ya-as ! 

Tosh. Well, I reckon you're just likely to suit me ! Shake ! 
(They shake hands) 

Larry. Hear, hear! Sure, an' ould Micky Tosh — ahem — I 
mane to say yer pa in Amerricky, will be tarrible plazed! 
Bless ye, me childhren, bless ye! 

Hon. Gough-Geeen rushes on, l., crosses to r., Miss Pankie 
holding his coat-tails. 

Gottgh-Green. Let go, woman; let go, I tell you! 

Larry. Fair play, Misther Gough-Green, fair play! Bedad, 
an' she's caught ye this toime, right enough ! An' sure, it's a 
shame to ye to be runnin' away from a leddy. Be jabers, 
here's three av us have agreed to put up wid wan aich for 
loife! An' for why should you not be afther doing the same, 
now? 

Gough-Green. But I don't want to be married — don't, abso- 
lutely ! When I do, I'll take a wife who can show me some- 
thing at golf. 

Pankie. But, dear Mr. Gough-Green, if you would only 
listen. I've been trying to tell you all morning! I played the 
ninth hole in two yesterday ! 

Gough-Green. Absolutely? Ah! That settles it! (They 
embrace) We'll play over the course of life together! 

Larry. An' may ye niver be bunkered all your days ! Bless 
ye, me childhren, bless ye ! An' now, faix, we're all paired off 
as nate as noinepince; an' bedad, if we live to the age av 
Methusalum, we'll niver forget this blessed day 

Mrs. Beach. And what we all owe to " Larry." 

Sparker. Tosh. Larry. Mrs. Beach. 

Pankie. Norah. 

Gough-Green. Fred. 

CURTAIN. 



PRISONER OF ANDERSONVILLE 

A Military Comedy-Drama in Four Acts, by CHARLES WALCOTT RUSSEU 



Price, 25 Cents 



Ten male (two may double), three female characters, and a child about five years 
©f age, viz. : Leading juvenile man, heavy, second^ heavy, light comedy, two low 
comedians, strong old man, negro comedian, leading juvenile lady, walking lady and 
negro girl comedian. One interior scene ; three exteriors, two of them closely similar. 
Time of playing, two hours and a quarter. An excellent play, as all the parts are good 
and evenly divided. Five comedy parts make it lively enough for any audience. The 
leading parts are strongly drawn yet easily handled. A play of the Civil War that 
will arouse no ill-feeling North or South. Professional stage rights reserved. Amateur 
production free. 

SYNOPSIS OF INCIDENTS 

Act I.— The dance at Verley's house. The mysterious hand, disappearance of ;he 
ice-cream and Bingo's dilemma. Teena's ingenious explanation. Dupr6's courting 
and Kate Preston's defence of Elliott. Bingo and Teena. Dupre accuses Elliott of 
cheating at cards. Dupre persistent, and Elliott's disgrace. 

Act II. — The Federal Camp. Mickey Free loses a finger. Elliott arrives with 
dispatches. Dupre's endeavor to obtain them. Elliott's arrest for assaulting his 
superior officer, Dupre. Rescue of Marjorie. Heroism. 

Act III. — Dupre's mean revenge. Kate's defence of Confederate generals. 
Elliott's rescue of his Company's flag. " Sheridan's Cavalry never retreats!'* Preston 
a prisoner of war. Elliott in charge of dispatches to Gen. Grant. Dupre accuses 
Elliott of having served time in prison. "Yes, Victor Dupre, I spent two months of 
my life in the military prison of Andersonville." Honor. 

Act IV. — Sally Verley's jealousy. Preston's explanation. Elliott prepares foT 
taking the dispatches to General Grant. The loaded cigar. Teena's assignation and 
Bingo's opportunity. Preston refuses to steal the dispatches. Dupre's determination 
overheard by Kate. "The dispatches have been stolen!" Detection of Dupr*. 
Elliott's vindication. The dispatches unnecessary. " General Lee has surrendered.'' 

WHAT'S NEXTT" 

A Farce-Comedy in Three Acts, by BOB WATT 

Price, 25 Cents 

Seven male, four female characters, with four utility parts to be doubled by tht 
preceding. If desired, a lot of school children can be worked into the first act. Two 
interior scenes. School Room and Parlor; easily staged ; can be played in any hall. 
Time of playing, two hours and a half. A " specialty " play that is simply three acts 
of laugh. Has a first-rate leading soubrette role (Country Girl). Audiences will 
giggle over this play for a month and then want to see it played again. 
SYNOPSIS OF INCIDENTS 

Act I.— The Bogtown District School. Chub's story. Scheme No. 1. ** Have 
you a week-day and a Sunday name? " Poke's Pine Potion. The compact. Polly's 
first lesson in love. One of the deestrict school board. Visitors. " Washington 
crossing the Alps." Scheme No. 2. The school examination. Zeph makes a sensa- 
tion. The young idea out shooting. "Danged if it ain't like the circus! "- 

Act II. — Moses Madder's Studio in New York. _A domestic set-to. Willie 
comes in, in a hurry. " Bwing on the girl and the minister." Polly paralyzes the 
dude. "You're a pretty good liar, ain't you?" Hiring a "boomer." Chub and 
Polly. Gertie gets gushing. Timothy Trenwith, from Texas. Zeph has another 
conniption. Getting some points from the widow. A jolly row in the house. Willie 
gets left. Madder's schemes grow shaky. "First scalp for Zeph ! " 

Act III. — Scene as Before. A flattering arrangement. " Look here, 1 ain't no 
angel ! " Polly's plan. Willie in trouble again. Gertie and the widow have another 
tiff. Another scheme smashed. Mary Ann Fogarty on the servant question. Gertie 
catches a man at last. "The circus is going to begin." Willie runs amuck with wan 
av the foinest. Madder's masterpiece. The "boomer" takes a trick. "I'm as happy 
as ef I owned the hull State of Texas ! " Gertie on the warpath. " O Chub, that 
kerflumuxes me I" Willie and the widow. "I've got a little lie and I can't tell » 
Hatchet." The last scheme knocked in the head e " What's NgXT?** 



ROBERT EMMET (New Version) 
A Drama in three acts, revised by CHARLES TOWNSEND. 

PRICE, 15 CENTS 

-— . This new y ersJ °n°ft!? is ,§ reat historical drama, originally reauirincr elah. 
S?i e ^ ene 7' IS T s«mpHfied> reducing the stage 'settings to four sce^nes^ 
interiors and 2 exteriors, that it can easily be represented with the ordinfrt J 
ina U i r dramaT 0Wn "* ViUagC ha " S ' but retainin ^he plot aTd action°of thKri?- 

DRAMATI5 PERSONS 

Robert Emmet, the Irish Patriot Sergeant Topfall) of th*» pwi; c k 

8M£S«Kf *■ EmeraId Isle ESE^iSr } lrmy 

£».?»&* Eramet iss; gsr } the Jud * es 

Maria, Emmet's 1 Wife j UDY O'Doughertv, beloved by 

Peasants Solders, Colleagues of Emmet's, Constables Jury. [Darby 
Time of Representation. -Two Hours. 

SYNOPSIS OF INCIDENTS 

««.-£f T i'T^ s Py»- u .where have I seen that mug before? " The dise-uise th* 

nv/^hl'Ti^u e V\ s h u OI ? e - th e letter, •« I shall be home to-day." The wife's 
tiS^JSSZ^iJSS^ The secret conclave, h. ggS** 

BUTTERNUT'S BRIDE; 

OR, SHE WOULD BE A WIDOW 

An Original Farce-Comedy in Three Acts, for Laughing Purposes Only 

By LEVIN C. TEES 

Price, 25 Cents 

eent^men^ndfouriS 6 ^ i te '2- Cby do " blin S« the P ie <* can be played by seven 

SYNOPSIS OP INCIDENTS 

Act I.-Dr. Syrup's office. An M.D. in the dumps. " When are vou coin? to nav 

Encl7Abd^cnem e y? r, ¥ak - Ing ' em feel a $ hom «- Poor Willie. sS^XrgliZ 
Uncle Abel s scheme. Daisy in a scrape. An unprincipled plumber with a classira 
Fiftv dX^ fo A r d T ty K Sh T ff £ kin g^k on the quiet. ^hrowinV^tThe wwng^a? 
Arx TT f ° rahusban d- Doctor, the bath-tub is busted and the house is afloat 
wan after 51 "fe ? Butternut's bride in Madison Avenue. Not such a soft 
T^aHa.1' 1 a> u l wm , m y Wlfes affections, I'll raise your wages," Willie 
The do«or andrt? under* *** P^ OI ? a ^^intances hatch a nice iittle plo ! 
^ontM g reTe g s schLTo^i ™£ fefi^ 

f«,*kf 1 r d parlor at Dover - Uncle Abel, bent on vengeance sets a tran 
S^^TbSW" Se e, f "'Tt" biCy , C ; e -,/' Sbe bou S ht y°» for g lTb lot and go? 
fiakine a wilTS? a h,,^, ^'q"- T . ellln S *>« all.' Willie's infernal machine. 
anothef chanced hS« -rl S - V ^ P g , 1VCS ?P b ,° xin S Iessons ' and the doctor gets 
»«?o h n%ne h m^^^^ 



THE EAST SIDERS 

A Comedy Drama in Three Acts, by ANTHONY E. WILLJg 

PRICE, 25 CENTS 

CHARACTERS 

£mil Schultz, an old tailor Old German 

Paul Albers, in his employ Character Heavy 

James Keegan, a typical New Yorker Comedy 

Robert Perry, an actor Lead 

Daniel Jarvis, a prosperous merchant Character old man 

Clarence Frothingham, a dry-goods clerk Dude 

Officer McNally, a policeman Comedy 

Otto Werner, a street musician German comedy 

Mrs. Schultz, the tailor's wife Old lady comedy 

Edna Schultz, her daughter Lead 

Lieutenant Brockway, a Salvation lassie Straight 

Dolly Hammond, who lives upstairs Soubrette 

One Interior Stage-setting. — Time, 2 Hours. 

SYNOPSIS OF INCIDENTS 

Act I. — New Year's Eve. Paul Albers arrives, expecting to marry 
Edna. Mr. Jarvis hears some plain truths. The mistake of Clarence. The 
mortgage. The marriage of Edna and Perry announced. Edna driven from 
home. 

Act II. — July, eighteen months later. Jarvis opens the big store. 
McNally receives a scare. Paul's gambling. Good advice thrown away. 
The overdue mortgage. Paul's theft. Edna accused. 

Act III. — October, three months later. The distress of Schultz. 
Sheriff in charge. Edna's operatic success. An obdurate father. Arrest 
of Paul. Some lively bidding. Dolly's purchase. Schultz relents. Every- 
body happy. 



ROCKY FORD 

A Western Drama in Four Acts 

By BURTON L. SPILLER 



PRICE, 25 CENTS 



Eight male (2 may double), three female characters. One exterior, two 
interior scenes. Time, 2 hours. The action revolves around the theft of a 
will by a gentlemanly villain, whereby Jack, a young ranchman (lead), 
nearly loses not only a fortune, but also his affianced bride. Jack's two 
cowboy friends come to his rescue, however, and through their timely 
interference the plan to defraud him is foiled. A Kentucky major and « 
middle-aged spinster have excellent comedy parts. 



MILITARY PLAYS 

25 CENTS EACH 

M. 

BY THE ENEMY'S HAND. 4 Acts; 2 hours 10 

EDWARDS, THE SPY. 5 Acts; 2% hours 10 

PRISONER OE ANDERSON VILLE. 4 Acts; 2*4 hours.. 10 

CAPTAIN DICK. 3 Acts; V& hours 9 

ISABEL, THE PEAEL OE CUBA. 4 Acts; 2 hours 9 

LITTLE SAVAGE. 3 Acts; 2 hours; 1 Stage Setting 4 

BY FORCE OE IMPULSE. (15 cents.) 5 Acts; 2^ hours 9 
BETWEEN TWO EIRES. (15 cents.) 3 Acts; 2 hours 8 



RURAL PLAYS 

25 CENTS EACH 

MAN FROM MAINE. 5 Acts; 2^ hours 9 

AMONG THE BERKSHIRES. 3 Acts; 2*4 hours 8 

OAK FARM. 3 Acts; 2% hours; 1 Stage Setting 7 

GREAT WINTERSON MINE . 3 Acts ; 2 hours. 6 

SQUIRE THOMPKINS' DAUGHTER. 5 Acts; 2J^ hours 5 

WHEN A MAN'S SINGLE. 3 Acts;" 2 hours . . . 4 

FROM PUNKIN RIDGE. (15 cents.) 1 Act; Ihour... 6 

LETTER FROM HOME. (15 cents.) 1 Act; 25 minutes 1 



ENTERTAINMENTS 

25 CENTS EACH 

AUNT DINAH'S QUILTING PARTY. 1 Scene. 5 

BACHELOR MAIDS' REUNION. 1 Scene <j 

IN THE FERRY HOUSE. 1 Scene; 1)4 hours 19 15 

JAPANESE WEDDING. 1 Scene; 1 hour 3 10 

MATRIMONIAL EXCHANGE. 2 Acts; 2 horns 6 

OLD PLANTATION NIGHT. 1 Scene; \% hours 4 4 

YE VILLAGE SKEWL OF LONG AGO. 1 Scene. 13 12 

FAMILIAR FACES OF A FUNNY FAMILY 8 11 

JOLLY BACHELORS. Motion Song or Eecitation 11 

CHRISTMAS MEDLEY. 30 minutes..... 15 14 

EASTER TIDINGS., 20 minutes 

BUNCH OE ROSES. (15 cents.) 1 Act; 1% hours 1 13 

OVER THE GARDEN WALL. (15 cents) 11 

DICK & FITZGERALD, Publishers, 18 Ann Street, N.Y. 




LIBRARY OF CONGRES: 



COMEDIES AND 



017 

DRAMAS 




25 CENTS EACH 

M. 

BREAKING HIS BONDS. 4Acts;2hours 6 

BUTTERNUT'S BRIDE. 3 Acts; 2% hours 11 

COLLEGE CHUMS. 3 Acts; 2 hours; 1 Stage Setting 9 

COUNT OP NO ACCOUNT. 3 Acts; 2% hours 9 

DEACON. 5 Acts; 2% hours 8 

DELEGATES FROM DENVER. 2 Acts; 45 minutes 3 

DOCTOR BY COURTESY. 3Acts;2hours 6 

EASTSIDERS, The. 3 Acts; 2 hours; 1 Stage Setting ........ 8 

ESCAPED FROM THE LAW. 5 Acts; 2 hours 7 

GIRL FROM PORTO RICO. 3 Acts; 2^ hours 5 

GYPSY QUEEN. 4 Acts; 2^ hours 5 

IN THE ABSENCE OF SUSAN. 3 Acts; 1^ hours 4 

JAILBIRD. 5 Acts; 2\i hours 6 

JOSIAH'S COURTSHIP. 4Acts;2hours 7 

MY LADY DARRELL. 4Acts; 2)4 hours 9 

MY UNCLE FROM INDIA. 4 Acts; 2}4 hours 13 

NEXT DOOR. 3Acts;3homs 5 

PHYLLIS'S INHERITANCE. 3 Acts; 2 hours 6 

REGULAR FLIRT. 3Acts;2hours 4 

ROGUE'S LUCK. 3 Acts; 2 hours 6 

SQUIRE'S STRATAGEM. 5 Acts; 2}£ hours 6 

STEEL KING. 4 Acts; 2\b hours 5 

"WHAT'S NEXT? 3 Acts; 2% hours 7 

WHITE LIE. 4Acts; 2^hours 4 



WESTERN PLAYS 

. 25 CENTS EACH 

ROCKY FORD. 4 Acts; 2 hours 8 

GOLDEN GULCH. 3 Acts; SJ4 hours 11 

RED ROSETTE. 3Acts;2hours 6 

MISS MOSHER OF COLORADO. 4 Acts; 2% hours... 5 

STUBBORN MOTOR CAR. 3 Acts; 2 hours; 1 Stage Setting 7 

CRAWFORD'S CLAIM. (15 cents.) 3 Acts; 2J4 hours. 9 



DICK & FITZGERALD, Publishers, 18 Ann Street, N. Y. 



